Metrik Minute

Yokohama just released a new set of tires that they’re making from 80% Orange Oil, and 20% Blood Oil (Petrolium).

Now when you burn rubber peeling out you can feel good about doing something good for the Earth! 

“No more of that nasty rubber smell I’m tired of huffing” commented one Vlad Metrik, “its pure Orange Dream heaven for me when my friend peels out in my face, as I lie there beneath the tires indulging myself with the natural intoxicant.”

 

Click Here to take a whiff!

A (non-existant) Yokohama representative said that their next application of this wonderful technology will probably be condoms, making is safer and more delicious than ever to chew condoms like gum, as demonstrated to me by my 6th grade Sex Ed teacher

Well, it’s finally happened, folks.  Somebody thought that being green is so cool, and that conserving materials is so great, that they’ve released a fantastic 1/2 of a product. 

The new Halbo, by BMW, is a radical new design for a motorcycle.  It’s all electric, very futuristic, and by the looks of it very uncomfortable. 

“I don’t even see a seat in the pictures!” writes one Vlad Metrik, publisher of this blog.  It’s just a wheel, a battery, and a rolling ball that’s attached for balance, I guess.  ..That or sideswiping pedestrians. 

I just don’t get it.  I’m into all the new bikes being electric and all, ..but please stick to the meaning of the word – Bi (two) Cycle (um, ..cycles, or wheels). This is just a mockery of a Unicycle. 

Not that a Unicycle wouldn’t be cool at 100+ mph, but I can imagine that it would get mighty uncomfortable the way that seat rides up on your crotch.